So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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