Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
