Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
