well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
