but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
