final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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