Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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