I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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