I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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