I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
