This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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