I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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