Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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