we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
