Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
