He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
