Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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