I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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