Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
