So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
