you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
