First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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