so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
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Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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