I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
