Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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