Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
