Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
