Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just had sex on a roof
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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