just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
