i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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