boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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