hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
