Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
