Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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