No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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