the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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