Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
