hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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