i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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