Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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