I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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