I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
