Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
