So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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