I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
