dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
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I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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