I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
