Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Houston, we have a blender
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
