He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
