i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
