my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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