It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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