I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I would fuck him just for his dog
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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