Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
