Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
