my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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