the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
