So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
