Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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