You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
