I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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