check it out our google latitudes are spooning
In America we eat man semen.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
