I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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