the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I didn't notice because vodka
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
