Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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