4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
